


The Death of a First Crush

by LJF



Series: Life in This Miraculous Reality [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crushes, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Goals, Infatuation, Realistic, Relationship Advice, Self-Help Books, Unrequited Crush, Values, getting over someone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-24 13:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20359054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LJF/pseuds/LJF
Summary: It's starts with a summer vacation apart (and a random self-help book read on a whim). When they reunite, something feels different. And though neither of them is ready to admit it, the truth is that, for better or worse, their feelings have irrevocably shifted.





	1. Prologue: The Infatuation Stage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheNovelArtist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNovelArtist/gifts).

> Because I was kind of inspired by "The Love Dare," in that it dealt with reality in relationships in areas rarely focused on by general pop culture. Falling in love doesn't necessarily mean staying in love, and real love takes work and effort, and I really appreciated that there are stories that acknowledge that.

There were so many ways this could go wrong. Marinette hadn't left Paris once since she first became Ladybug-- what if Hawkmoth attacked while she was gone? Who'd purify the akuma?

But this time her parents wouldn't take no for an answer. She was sixteen, they said, it was high time she met the rest of the family. So, for the next two months, she and her parents (who were not wealthy and therefore must have been saving up for this for years) would be out of the country, visiting family all over the world. (Her dad's parents, who probably hadn't been in the same room in years, had somehow settled their differences enough to agree to run the bakery together while the Dupain-Chengs were abroad. Hopefully the place would be intact when they got home.) So she wouldn't see Alya, Adrien, Chat or any of her friends until school started, and she wouldn't be able to save Paris in case of an emergency.

She went to Master Fu, hoping he would know a way she might be able to convince her parents not to make her leave. Instead, he'd seemed thrilled that she was leaving.

"Marinette, you having been doing this for a very long time-- you must rest sometime. Don't worry about Hawkmoth-- if need be, I'll temporarily entrust your friend Alya with the earrings. She is prepared for that at this point. Go, and have fun on your trip!"

So that was that.

Marinette sighed, checked her phone one last time, and boarded the plane. _Goodbye, Paris,_ she thought as they began takeoff, _Stay safe._

* * *

It wasn't like Adrien hadn't left Paris in the past two and a half years. He'd been on modelling trips all over the world, but never for longer than a week or two. This was spending the whole summer in Milan-- without his friends. Luckily, his father was coming too. Considering that he'd barely left the house, let alone the country since Adrien's mom disappeared, the thought that Gabriel would be spending two months in Italy along with his son had seemed like an impossible dream-- until now.

However, that still meant leaving Paris with only half of its normal defenses, but he wasn't too concerned. With the amount of reserve heroes in this city, Paris would be fine until he returned. At least, he hoped so.....

* * *

"Hey, Alya," Marinette said as she opened the video chat, "How's Paris?"

"Paris? Paris is fine-- there hasn't been an akuma attack since you left," said Alya. "Your best friend, on the other hand, is wasting away without you. How much longer are you going to be gone?"

"Six and a half weeks, Alya," Marinette said, laughing at Alya's disappointed expression, "How's Nino?"

"Nino's Nino," Alya said, smirking, "I mean, I love the guy, but he's been rather mopey since Adrien left. Speaking of Adrien, have you come up with any new plans to get your feelings through that thick skull of his?"

Marinette sighed. Without Tikki around to bounce ideas off of, she'd been forced to do some thinking.

"Imjusgutehm," she mumbled.

"Speak _up,_ girl! I couldn't understand a word of that."

"I've decided," Marinette saidm slowly and cautiously, "That I'm just going to tell him the truth. I'm going to confess my feelings straight out next time I see him in person."

"Didn't you try that already? Mulitple times?" Alya was looking at her like she'd gone crazy.

"Not really....I always chickened out at the last minute," Marinette tried to explain her reasoning. "I haven't been fair to the guy-- I've never given him a chance to let me know if he might be able to feel the same. I've just hiden my feelings from him, scared he'd reject me. But I can't let that fear stop me. The worst thing that could happen is that he says no. And then I'd be no worse off than I am now. I have to give him that chance."

"Whatever you say girl. Good luck!"

* * *

Adrien sat down on the plane, headed to a shoot in Florence. On a whim, he'd decided to buy a book to read on the plane. He opened the package he'd ordered and.....stared down in confusion. That was _definitely_ not the book he'd ordered. He'd ordered a novel Kagami had recommeneded to him, but the book in his lap didn't look like any sort of novel. It was a self help book of some sort. In English.

Like many Parisians, Adrien could speak English. He was actually pretty fluent. The book he held in his hands appeared to be about...marriage?

So there he was, stuck on a two hour flight with no luggage (he was only going to be in Florence for a few hours, so he hadn't brought any bags) and an English book of marriage advice.

Adrien shrugged. It wasn't like he had anything else to do, any he did want to get married someday, so why not? Maybe it'd help him figure out women (read: Ladybug) a little better. Couldn't hurt, right?

He flipped open the book and started reading.

* * *

Marinette spoke approximately five words of Mandarin. Her relatives in China spoke aproximately the same amount of French. Luckily, most of them spoke decent English, and hers was passible. However, she could also read English much better than any of them. Which was why, when she found a thin book written in English on the bookcase in the room she was sleeping in at her second cousin's house, she was more than a little surprised. She was even more surprised to realize that it was a marriage self-help book. She asked her cousin about it, and she shrugged and said that her eldest daughter had bought on a whim when she was studying in America a few years previously, but had never bothered to read it and had, in fact, left it behind when she got married last year.

"Keep it," said her cousin, "You can use it better than I."

Marinette was at that stage where, even though she had no intentions of getting married anytime soon, she was curious about it. Curious enough that she decided she might as well read her "new" book.

She flipped open the book and started reading.

* * *

He didn't think much about the book after he read it. It was interesting, sure, but then he had his photoshoot, and the flight back to Milan, and by the time he crawled into bed, exhausted, he'd completely forgotten about it.

The next day, he was daydreaming about his lady.

_"Milady? Will you purr-lease put me out of my meowsery already?" She giggled, tapped his nose, and dashed off. He chased her across the rooftops of Paris, and finally caught up with her at the top of the Eiffel tower, where she was staring down at the city._

_"Beautiful," she murmured._

_"Absolutely," he said. But he wasn't talking looking at the city. She blushed. "Milady, you are absolutely _breathtaking_."_

_She smiled shyly as he walked towards her and lifted her hand to kiss it. Then he kissed her cheek and then, softly, reverently, he lowered his mouth towards hers....._

"Adrien!" Nathalie's voice broke him out of his reverie. "You have another shoot in two hours and they need to start doing your hair and makeup now!"

"Coming!"

* * *

Today was the day. She'd gotten back to Paris three days ago, and had immediately rushed to pick up her earrings from Master Fu.

He informed her that they hadn't left his possession-- there hadn't been a single akuma attack while she was gone.

"Perhaps Hawkmoth, too, left Paris for the summer."

And today she was starting school again. Today she would see Alya, and Nino, and all of her other friends....including Adrien, Today, she was going to confess her feelings.

At least, she thought so...little did she know that, within a few hours, all thoughts of confessing would be completely forgotten.....


	2. Chapter 1: Shared Values

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien start thinking about the future.....and wonder what the other has in store...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question 1) Do you share the same basic goals and values?

"Hey, Nino," Adrien said as his best friend gave him a bone-crushing hug, "I missed you too....bro." The word still felt a little uncomfortable on his lips, but it was worth it to see the beaming smile it always brought to Nino's face.

"Hi Alya," He said as she walked over to them, "How was your summer?" Alya sighed.

"Well, Nino and I had a lot of fun hanging out. On the other hand, there were no akuma attacks, which, while nice, meant nothing new for the LadyBlog. Also, the two of us were really missing our best friends. Speaking of which, have you seen Marinette? She said she wanted to talk to you about something important."

"No...." Adrien replied. "Maybe she's in the classroom aready?"

"You're joking," Alya laughed. "Marinette? Early? On the first day of school? We are talking about the same Marinette, right?" Even Nino let out a chuckle. The three of them headed towards the classroom, Nino and Alya whispering about something. He heard his name and Marinette's mentioned. He wondered what she wanted to talk about. The two of them were friends, sure, but they didn't spend much one-on-one time together and he couldn't think what would be so important.

It was still twenty minutes before class was supposed to start, so only a few students were in the classroom. Rose, the bright and cheery early bird, was chattering off the ear of her best friend. Juleka was clearly trying to pay attention, but she kept dozing off. Max was busy doing something on his laptop. And-

"Excuse me," Mylene said timidly. She and Ivan were trying to come into the room, but the doorway was blocked by a dumbfounded Nino and Alya, who were staring at the seat where Marinette was sitting, busy doodling in her sketchbook. Adrien taped Nino on the shoulder, and Nino blinked out of his stupor and carefully pulled Alya out of the doorframe.

"Marinette, what are you doing here, so early?" Alya said. Marinette didn't respond. "Hello?"

"Oh, hey Alya," Marinette muttered distractedly. She didn't look up.

"Marinette, Adrien's here."

"That's nice." She clearly wasn't paying attention.

"Mari_nette_, wasn't there someting _important_ you wanted to tell Adrien?" Alya seemed baffled by her friend's unusual behavior. Adrien knew Marinette liked designing, but it wasn't like her to show up so early, let alone be so focussed she basically ignored Alya.

"Later." Now Adrien was totally baffled. The Marinette he knew, while kind and assertive, was also eaily flustered and more than a little clumsy. He'd never seen her so focused on something. She was obviously more level-headed than he'd given her credit for.

Eventually, the teacher walked in, and Marinette put her sketchbook away, and they started class. Adrien put all thoughts of Marinette's odd behavior aside. The rest of the day went by like any other-- Chloe (and Sabrina,) walked in twenty minutes late, of course ("it's _called_ being 'fashionably late'!"), Max got into a loud argument with their science teacher that nobody else fully understood, Nathan and Marc sold copies of their latest comic, Kim challenged Alix to a race to show off the results of his summer training, Lila gave them a detailed rendition of her _fabulous_ summer (though how much of it was actually true was anyone's guess), and by the time the akuma attacked Adrien had completely forgotten that Marinette had wanted to speak to him.

* * *

Something was off about Chat's behavior. Ladybug couldn' put her finger on it, but she he was definitely acting oddly. Maybe it was just because they hadn't seen each other in a couple of months? Somehow he seemed more....serious? Oh, he was definitely having fun fighting the latest akumatized villain,as per the norm, and his pun repertoire seemed to have grown _larger_ over the summer (if that was even possible), but he wasn't acting nearly as...flirtatious, maybe? He didn't try to kiss her hand or flatter her appearance. He din't even call her "milady" or "Bugaboo." It was.....odd to say the least.

"Miraculous Ladybug!" she yelled as she threw her Lucky Charm in the air and Paris reverted to normal. The confused victim scratched his head, trying to figure out how he ended up there, and Chat helped him to his feet before walking over to her.

"Pound it!" They fistbumped.

"Not bad, Ladybug," Chat said. "Got to dash!" He ran off before, and she was left calling "Bye, kitty!" to his retreating form,

_Odd._ She thought. _He's not usually the first one to run off, and he had another few minutes before he transformed back. What's up with him?_

* * *

As Marinette walked home, she had a nagging feeling that she was forgetting something important. There was something she was supposed to do today....what was it...she mentally ran through everything she'd done that day.

_Woke up early to get to school with enough time to...._confess to Adrien. That had been the plan, right? It wasn't like she'd chickened out or anything. She'd just _completely_ _forgotten_ about it. She tried to think about any interactions she might've had with Adrien that day.......but she couldn't think of a single one.

_I must have spoken to him at some point, right?_ She vaguely remembered Alya trying to talk to her when she'd been "in the zone" before class.

_"Marinette, what are you doing here, so early? Hello?"_

_"Oh, hey Alya."_

_"Marinette, Adrien's here."_

_"That's nice."_

_"Mari_nette_, wasn't there someting _important _you wanted to tell Adrien?"_

_"Later." _

_What?_ She knew she could be hyperfocussed while sketching, but never to the point that the name "Adrien" hadn't immediately jolted her out of her reverie. No wonder Alya had looked at her oddly the next time they'd spoken.

But had she really not spoken to Adrien at all? 

_"Hey, Marinette. How was your summer. You did a lot of traveling, right?"_

_"Yeah, I had a lot of fun meeting my relatives. You were in Milan, right? What's that like?"_

_"Didn't get much sightseeing done-- I was mostly working. I did get to see the Duomo de Milano cathedral and the Sforzesco Castle art museum. Not exactly Notre Dame and the Louvre, but I had a nice time."_

At that point, Nino had shown up to drag Adrien off to hang out with the guys, and Alya and the other girls had immediatley pounced on her to ask what she'd been talking to Adrien. The conversation quickly shifted to the fundraising campaign Mylene and Ivan had been working on all summer, and she hadn't thought about Adrien once the rest of the day....Until now. She'd had a normal, boring exchange with Adrien....and she hadn't stuttered or blushed or tripped or anything. That was weird.

"What do you think, Tikki?" But Tikki wasn't paying attention. She'd been exploring Marinette's suitcase and appeared to have found something interesting.

"What's this, Marinette?" The little Kwami was struggling to pull a book out of the bag. She finally managed to get it out, but went flying backwards from the sudden rebound force.

Marinette picked up the book, a little confused. She didn't recognize it. Why did she have an English book in her suitcase? Suddenly she remembered.

"Oh, one of my cousins gave it to me," she explained. "It's about, um......." She glanced at the summary on the flap. "How to figure out if the person you're dating is the person you should marry."

Suddenly, she remembered something, and flipped open the book to reread the introduction.

_No! It can't be!_

* * *

Adrien collapsed onto his bed, exhausted. School, akuma battling, modeling, fencing, and then two hours of piano practice and and hour with his Mandarin tutor (he was working on reading and writing _han_ characters), followed by an awkward dinner with his father.

He started thinking about the akuma Battle, and he realized that something was bothering him about it. Not the akuma itself, per se....and Ladybug hadn't been acting weirdly....

_No, Ladybug was just her normal, fantastic self._ He recalled the bewildered expression she'd given him right before he'd left. Had he said something wrong?

_"Not bad, Ladybug. Got to dash!"_ What was so weird about that? He ran through previous battles in his head. He'd called her that before, right?

Yeah, he'd definitely called her Ladybug plenty of times before. But he also called her Bugaboo and Milady and any other pet name he could think of. He didn't think he'd done that today.

_Why not? _He rolled over....only to feel the sharp spine of a book digging into his spine.

_Ugh!_ He'd dumped his suitcase on his bed that morning, intending to put everything away when he got home, but he was way too tired to deal with everything tonight. _Guess I'm sleeping on the couch tonight._ He grabbed his pillow and blanket, and, on second thought, grabbed the book he'd rolled into, and walked over to lay down on the couch. _Some light reading couldn't hurt, right? What book is this, anyway?_

It was that weird English book the online store had mailed him. He'd forgotten to call about it, and it was probably to late for a refund. _Oh, well. Better than nothing._

He started reading the introduction, then sat up with a start.

_Nah, that doesn't make sense. Impossible, right?_

* * *

The introduction focused on the difference between attraction and real love.....and certain lines were jumping out at Marinette. _"Effortless." "Obsessive daydreams and fantasies." "Promotes_ _insecurity." _

_No! My feelings for Adrien are real...aren't they?_

* * *

_"Who you _want_ him or her to be." "Two strangers.....feel close....all the more miraculous for persons who have been isolated....not long lasting." "Between18 months and three years...."_

_So...I'm not in love with Ladybug? That can't be right._ He kept reading. _"Check the love potential....keep the infatuation in check."_

_Aha! "Ten questions." Let's see..."Chapter 1-_

* * *

-_Do you share the same basic goals and values?"_

Marinette read through the first chapter. It made a lot of sense, actually. If your basic value systems didn't match, how could you hope to build a functioning life together? One of the pages had a list of common essential values.

She read through it several times, trying to come up with her top five, and at least one for each of her friends. It was harder than she thought, even without considering that she had to figure out the nuances between the different English words.

_What's the difference between "Sincerity" and "Devotion"? "Success" and "Excellency"? "Perserverance" and "Discipline"?_

She sat at her desk, consulting her French-English dictionary, and eventually came up with at least one for all of the people important to her.

_Integrity for Alya,_

* * *

_Friendship for Nino,_

* * *

_Caring for the environment for Mylene,_

* * *

_Compassion for Ivan,_

* * *

_Volunteering for Rose,_

* * *

_Being knowledgable for Max,_

* * *

_Peace for Juleka,_

* * *

_Success for Kim,_

* * *

_Excellence for Alix,_

* * *

_Gratitude for Marc,_

* * *

_Sincerity for Nathan,_

* * *

_Loyalty for Chloe,_

* * *

_Following through for Sabrina,_

* * *

_Perserverance for Lila,_

* * *

_Hard work for Dad,_

* * *

_Privacy for Father,_

* * *

_Hospitality for Mom,_

* * *

_Accountability for Nathalie,_

* * *

_Tradition for Gradpere,_

* * *

_Devotion for The Goriila,_

* * *

_Commitment to one's health for Grandma,_

* * *

_Positive attitude for Plagg,_

* * *

_Leadership for Tikki,_

* * *

_Discipline for Kagami,_

* * *

_Changing the World for Luka,_

* * *

_Justice for Monseur D'Argencourt,_

* * *

_Frugality for Master Fu,_

* * *

_Friendship for Marinette,_

* * *

_Communication for Chat,_

* * *

_Commitment to spouse/kids for me,_

* * *

_Family values for me, and for Adrien-_

* * *

_And for Ladybug-_

* * *

She couldn't come up with anything for Adrien. Sure, Excellence and Respect for Others and Helping the Disabled and Hard work and Peace all sounded like Adrien, sure, but were any of them his essential values? She just didn't know. She'd known him for over two years, but in some ways, he was so closed off that she couldn't get a good read on him. Even Privacy didn't sound quite right. 

_And the fact that I can barely hold a conversation with him means that I never got the chance to find out what really makes him tick._ It was a sobering realization.

* * *

He'd put away everything that had been on his bed (and the stuff that had fallen on the floor or Plagg had hidden as a prank), his thoughts too busy to let him sleep.

_What are Ladybug's essential values?_

Leadership and Changing the world and Accountability and Community service and Loyalty all seemed like values Ladybug would have, but he couldn't say for sure. He wasn't even sure if Intergrity, which he knew was important to her, was one of her _essential_ values. She acted like a brave hero, but he also knew that at least part of that was a show she put on for the scared citizens of Paris-- and him. She was there to do a job, not make friends. He knew she cared about him, but she also maintained a certain level of aloofness that made it hard to see what was going on beneath the surface.

_And at least part of that is because she's worried that if she gets to close to me, she might be leading me on._ The same feelings that made him want to get closer to her were pushing her away. It was a hard truth he'd never really aknowledged.

* * *

The rest of the chapter focused on the difference between interests, goals, and values, and how to use them together to identify a potential life partner.

_What are my real goals?_ She wanted a job here in Paris, she knew that. She wanted to be a designer, but not at the expense of having a stable home life here. She also knew that she did want to get married and have kids at some point within the next ten years. What did Adrien want?

She had absolutely no idea. She had no clue if he wanted to stay in modeling, take over _Gabriel_, become a scientist, teach, or be a stay at home dad. She didn't know if he wanted marriage or kids, or where he wanted to live. She just didn't know.

* * *

_I want a real home._ He wanted a place to belong to. He wanted that _structure._ He want a place-- and people-- he could always come home to. He wanted a family he could rely on-- and one that would rely on him. He would willingly search the entire world to find that.

Of course, he didn't have a clue what Ladybug had planned for her life. It was one of those "secret identity" things they didn't really discuss. For all he knew, she wanted to become a high-powered and closed off CEO like his father. (Although, somehow, he couldn't picture it.) Did she want to be an astronaut or a pilot or a professor or the Mayor of Paris? He couldn't know. And that hurt.

* * *

"Marinette," Tikki said, distracting her for her morose thoughts, "It's really late. You should get some sleep."

"Alright," Marinette said, marking her place. She'd read Chapter 2 tomorrow.

* * *

Adrien stuck a bookmark in his book, set it down next two the globe on his side table, and crawled into his now-cleared off bed.

_It's not over yet. Maybe Chapter 2 will have some other advice?_

* * *

He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean he'd like what he found.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I cheated. Hard work and Discipline were actually the same value. But I really wanted to have a different one for each character, and I had to match most of these to their character as I was writing. The only thing I did before I wrote this chapter was sit down to come up with five basic values for Marinette, Adrien, Alya, Nino, and Gabriel (as well as two goals each for Marinette and Adrien). It was tricky because I had to factor in that a) their thirteen and fourteen year old selves (as seen in the show) haven't fully developed their priorities, which might be different from their sixteen year old or twenty-five year old priorities, b) someone's values are not always obviously apparent by their personality or actions, (Such as Gabriel-- I had to do a little bit of pondering before I realized that Justice is one of his strongest values. You wouldn't think a villain would prioritize Justice.) c) I had to take some sort of ownership/creative licence, since my interpretations will obviously not be identical to everyone else in this fandom, d) just because you have certain core values doesn't mean that there aren't also other values that you think are important, and e) goals are not as obviously apparent as one would think. (For example, it shocked me to realize that becoming a fashion designer actually _isn't_ one of Marinette's main goals-- it's an _interest_. Yes she wants to design, but far more important to her is being able to have a solid home base in Paris where she can spend time with the people important to her. She's no Audrey-- she'd be happier running a small online shop that allowed her to make her own hours than she would jetting around the world as one of the top names in fashion.  
On the other hand, becoming a reporter really _is_ one of Alya's goals. Her entire value system reflects her desire to share truth with others.)
> 
> For anyone curious, Nino and Alya have three core values in common, as do Marinette and Adrien. Nino and Adrien share two, while Alya and Marienette actually have none. Surprisingly enough, Nino and Marinette have one in common, as do Adrien and Alya. Unsurprisingly, Gabriel has absolutely zero values in common with anyone else (except maybe Nathalie, but her personality is still so shrouded in mystery that I didn't think I could properly evalute her value system).
> 
> And no, none of the values Marinette came up for Adrien or Adrien for Ladybug were on each other's "essential values" list. Yes, they're important, but they're not each other's main priorities. (Yes, Marinette's value for Chat and Adrien's for Marinette _are_ correct.)
> 
> (I'm not sure what a typical first-day-of-school looks like in France, so I just sort of guessed by how it was portrayed in the "Origins" episodes. Also, if you were really curious, _han_ is the Chinese word for what's known in Japanese as _kanji_. If you don't know what those are, either, Google is your friend.)


	3. Chapter 2: Person or Image

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien are forced to admit that they knew even less about each other than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question 2) Are you relating to the person or to an image?

With no akuma-induced emergencies over the summer, Marinette had gotten into the habit of getting up and preparing for the day earlier than she normally did. Actually, she really liked the sense of accompishment it gave her, and if it also meant that she wouldn't be late to school, that was a nice bonus. Which meant that, tired and bleary-eyed as she was, Marinette still managed to get to school on time.

"Girl, is this going to be a thing now?" Alya asked when she walked into the classroom to find Marinette already there. Marinette shrugged.

"Maybe? I don't want to say a definite yes," she explained, "Because then if I come late one morning, I'll get depressed, throw in the towel, and go back to sleeping in. But I'm definitely going to try."

"Good for you, Marinette," said a sleepy Juleka behind her. "I can barely get myself out of bed most mornings. Luka has to come in and drag me out."

"How is he, by the way?" Marinette had only seen him a few times since Kitty Section broke up the previous year. There hadn't been any dramatic fight or anything, but once Ivan, Rose, and Juleka entered lycee, they just didn't have as much time on their hands as they used to. These days, Luka did open mike nights and posted song covers online. Occassionally Rose or Juleka would play a song with him.

"Luka? He's fine. He's graduating this year, you know, so he's been preparing applications for every conservatorie in Paris," said Juleka. "Which reminds me- this morning, he asked if you could meet up with him in a few days."

"Me?" Marinette was more than a little surprised. "Sure, but why?"

"He's making a new music video," Juleka explained, "and he wanted your advice on wardrobe choices. Does three days from now, after school, work for you?"

"Should be fine." _Unless there's an akuma attack._ But that was how most of Marinette's plans worked, after all.

* * *

"Okay, Marinette, what's going on?"

"What are you talking about?" Marinette gave Alya a confused look. Her best friend was staring at her like se'd just fallen off the moon.

"You just talked to Adrien."

"Yeah, and?" What was the big deal?

"Girl, you have never been able to keep a straight face around that boy for longer than five seconds," Alya was giving her a _look_. One of those 'my-reporter-sense-is-tingling-and-I-know-something's-up-but-I'm-not-sure-what-yet' looks. "And that's the second conversation I've seen you have with him in as many days, and you haven't so much as blushed! So, what's going on?"

"I don't know, Alya! I'm just as confused as you are!" Then she stormed off, leaving an even more confused Alya in her wake.

* * *

Adrien hadn't heard their whole conversation, but he'd passed by in time to hear Marinette yelling and watch her stomp off. _Now that's definitely odd._ Marinette was generally pretty soft spoken. She knew how to be assertive when she needed to be, but he'd never seen her fighting with any of her friends. What could Alya possibly have asked her that irritated her so much. He thought about asking Alya, but he realized is was none of his business.

He heard Alya mutter something that sounded like "hormones," and then walk the opposite direction from Marinette.

"Wonder what's eating _her_," came the snarky little voice from his backpack.

"Plagg!" Adrien whisper-yelled out of the side of his mouth. "You're supposed to be quiet and stay hidden."

"Relax," was the response he got. "No one's paying attention." Suddenly, a loud yell of "AKUMA!" cut through the building.

"See," said Plagg, "They've got more important things to worry about."

"So do we!" Adrien ran off to find a place to transform.

* * *

"Looks like Hawkmoth's making up for lost time," said Chat as he stared at today's villain. Or well, villains. Twins, maybe? "Okay, this is so cheating. Seriously, why are there two of them?"

"Who knows," said Ladybug, "More importantly, how do we fight them?"

It was actually easier than they thought it would be. Rather than being twice as strong, the double akumas seemed to hinder each other, totally out of sync an getting in each others' way.

As Ladybug carefully enacted her master plan to stop them, Chat Noir couldn't help but stare in awe.

_Ladybug is just...._so cool. She always knew what to do. He admired her ingenuity-- he'd never know what to do with those random Lucky Charms she alway got.

Not to mention her ability to roll with the punches. He lived his life on a strict schedule with very little flexibility, she took hers as it came.

_I wish I could be more like that._

* * *

"Pound it!"

"Not bad, kitty," Ladybug said, giggling. "That move at the end was _inspired_."

"Why thank you, milady." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Something was wrong.

"Hey, are you okay, Chat Noir?" He sighed and gave her one of those indecipherable looks of his.

"I'm fine....bugaboo." Then he left, leaving her staring after him with just as much confusion as she'd felt the day before.

_What on Earth is bothering him? I don't think he even made any puns today._

But there was nothing she could do. She didn't even know where he lived.

"Feel better, kitty," she whispered before dashing away to detransform.

* * *

Adrien sat down with his book, about to start reading the next chapter.

_That was the one about-_

"What'cha reading?"

"Plagg! Don't startle me like that!" He'd thought Plagg was eating upstairs. Apparently, the kwami had finished his camembert and decided to see what Adrien was doing.

"Are you avoiding the question?" Plagg gave him a sneaky smile. "Just tell me.....unless it's a _secret._" Adrien suddenly had an idea.

"I guess it is sort of private," he said, looking down shyly. "It's about...ummmm......"

"Oooooh," said Plagg. "Tell me!" Adrien gestured for him to come closer.

"It's about," he said, whispering into Plagg's ear, "_looooooove._"

"Ewwwwwww!" Plagg flew backwards. "You humans and your love stories. I'd take camembert over girls any day." Adrien just laughed.

Plagg flew away, muttering to himself something that sounded suspiciously like _"Of all the stupid....."_

_Alright, back to my book. Where were we...ah. "Chapter 2-_

* * *

_\- Are you relating to the person or to an image?"_

Of course she wasn't relating just to an image of Adrien! She wasn't like one of his fans, obsessed with him just because he was a handsome, famous model.

_So what _do _I like about him?_

She thought about it. She'd first fallen for Adrien when he gave her his umbrella.

_So I like him because he's...._nice?

For some reason, that seemed a little off.

_Nice? Alya's nice. My parents are nice. Tikki's nice. Chat Noir is nice. Most of my classmates are nice._ In fact, the majority of people in her life were _nice._ Why would she want to spend time with people who _weren't_ nice?

But....if all the people she cared about were _nice,_ what made Adrien different?

_Well, he's cute._ So, she liked him because he was handsome and kind? But that could be said about just about any other guy she knew. _Chat's also cute and nice, _and_ he likes me. So why do I like Adrien instead of him?_

She looked around her room. The walls were covered with pictures of Adrien. Pictures of him hanging out with their friends, by himself on the street.......and his modeling pictures.

_Alright, so at least part of it is because he's a nice, handsome model who also happens to be the son of my favorite fashion designer. Does that make me shallow?_

She kept reading.

_"You forget that people's looks can change and their careers can change."_

That was what made her really stop short.

_Would I still like Adrien if he lost his looks and quit modeling?_ She tried to picture a middle-aged, balding Adrien with a protruding stomach...but she just couldn't. She sighed.

_I just don't know. Am I really that shallow?_

She sat and thought about that for a long time.

* * *

_Career, huh? Does being a superhero count?_

Adrien had never really thought about how he'd feel about Ladybug if she wasn't a superhero. That was who she _was. _How could she be anything else?

But she _was_ someone else. She was a normal girl who probably had normal friends, a normal family, and normal hopes and dreams. He couldn't picture it.

_Am I so superficial that I would like a girl just because she's a hero? Could I easily replace her With Rena or Bunnix or.....Queen Bee?_ That definitely didn't sound right. What was it that made her different? He'd just answered that today.

_She's so different from the rest of my life. She takes charge and rolls with the flow and always knows what to do._

So he liked her because she was _different._

_Is that fair? Just because she's different from what I'm used to? To always expect her to know what to do? She's a person, not some untouchable hero. She makes mistakes._

He'd seen her make mistakes before, and each time he'd felt, well, _betrayed_. But Ladybug wasn't always going to be perfect. Was he okay with that?

* * *

She didn't come to any big decisions that night. She didn't have some eye-opening realization that made her think one way or another. She went to bed without having really settled on what she was going to do.

The one thing she did before going to sleep was take down the pictures. Not the one of Adrien wearing her scarf, or laughing while hanging out with friends. Not the one of him at the picnic, or smiling at her birthday, or eating ice cream with a delighted expression on his face.

No, she took down the magazine cover, and the centerfold, and the perfume ad. She took down the pictures of fancy watches and expensive clothing. She took all the pictures of Adrien modeling, tore them up, and threw them in the garbage.

But that guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you guys might be wondering about those weird and seemingly inconsequential bits I've been sticking into the story. (Such as Marinette's new morning habits and the band breaking up, or in last chapter, Adrien's awkward hesitance over calling Nino "bro" and Marinette's ability to focus, etc.)  
Rest assured, they do have a purpose. This is a story about growing up. The main focus is letting go of a first crush, but that's not the only thing that changes as you get older. Time management, concentration, stepping out of your comfort zone in order to make some you care about happy, and various other things I might mention in the future are skills that you (hopefully) develop as you grow up and I wanted to show that side of things as well.
> 
> I really liked this whole story idea when I first came up with it and was really excited to share it with you guys. If it continues at the current rate I have planned, It should be about 12 chapters (including prologue and epilogue), with between 18,000 and 30,000 words (possibly more), which is longer than any other continuous story (let alone fanfic) I've ever written. The first two chapters alone are longer than any other fic I've posted on this site. My plan is to try and write two or three chapters a week, and post them almost as soon as I write them. I really hope you guys enjoy this story and stick along for the ride.  
But I also hope that, somewhere in this story, you can find a nostalgic piece of your own adolescence, be it memories of losing your own first crush, learning to take responsibility for your own choices, or any of the other tricky, frustrating, and sometimes painful parts of growing up. I know I do.

**Author's Note:**

> Because while absence _can_ make the heart grow fonder, it can also help build up unrealistic expectations sure to be dashed by a real, flawed human. And because infatuation rarely lasts longer than two or three years (at most).


End file.
